Achieving that feeling of simply being enough is something that a lot of us strive for a great deal throughout our lives. We hope to find that feeling of completion and total acceptance that truly make us feel and believe that we are enough in the arms of someone we love, a spouse or a partner. We hope to feel this same feeling from friends and family members. That they accept us for who and what we are. That we are enough for them as we are. Our flaws, our unique qualities, our quirky personalities and the flecks of individuality that make us who we are.
For some, beginning a life born into a family that may not make them feel like they are enough is a catalyst for them to always push harder, do better, and give more in the hopes that their family will see and accept them as being enough, and in a way, being worthy of love and affection. Others are born into a loving family that does make them feel accepted and loved, making them feel as though they are enough. They may not start to question if they are truly enough until they feel the sting of their first rejection, or the feeling of not exactly fitting in while in high school or college. They are left wondering who they are, what good they have to offer the world, and if they are enough.
Ultimately, we begin to go beyond the feeling of being enough to knowing we are enough when we begin to truly understand what it means to love and care for ourselves. Rather than hoping others will give us the love and feeling of total acceptance we are so craving, we can begin to learn to accept ourselves as we are, flaws and all.
Most of the time, our sense of self-worth is tied in with the feeling of being enough. If we believe that we don’t have much worth, then we will see ourselves as never being enough, or something being intrinsically missing in the makeup of who we are for others to be truly satisfied with what we have to offer. I was stuck in this frame of mind myself. Believing I could find my worth in another person, believing that I could find my value and that missing piece that would finally make me “enough”. And, I’ll be honest. I never found that missing piece in any other living being. I finally found that piece when I started looking within. I realized I had to begin with a clean slate. I had been short-changing myself in the love and care that my body, my mind, and my soul needed. I had wasted years of trying to find this broken, missing piece within someone else, when I carried it with me the entire time.
Your status of being “enough” doesn’t lie within someone else. The true value of your worth isn’t added up by another being and read to you as though you have a deficit. To truly understand and grasp the magnitude of your worth and value, you need to begin learning about Self-love and Self-Care.
Beginning down the road of Self-love and Self-Care can help you begin to see and understand just how amazing each of us are in our own unique way. Self-Love begins to change the “Why am I not enough?” question to an “I am enough” statement. You begin to change your inner negative thought process and negative self-talk into positive self-affirmations and a positive thought process. Then, when you begin self-care, you are putting into action all of the positive self-talk and positive Self-love affirmations that have been made a part of your new, positive mindset.
It is always hard to see the value in something that someone else has labelled as worthless if you refuse to draw your own conclusions and simply adopt the opinion of someone else. But, when you stop asking for and placing your worth and the estimate of your value on the opinions of others who do not love you, you are then able to see your own worth and value more clearly.
There is no happiness in comparing yourself to another. There is no joy in daily ripping yourself apart to see if you can find out why someone else doesn’t see you as enough. Begin within yourself. By learning to love yourself from the inside out, you begin to heal those wounds from the past, you begin to fill the voids you have felt you had all along. And as you begin to feel more whole, day by day, you will realize that being enough for yourself is more satisfying than attempting to fit yourself into the very definition of what enough is for someone else.
If you are struggling to see your own worth and value, think over the following questions. Be honest with yourself about the answers and you may discover more answers within yourself than you realized even existed.
- Right now, as I am, Do I feel as though I am enough?
- If I do not feel like I am enough, what has caused me to feel this way? What was the trigger that began this avalanche of doubts within me?
- Am I taking the opinion of someone else about my worth and adopting it for myself, regardless of how well I know myself and what I have to offer?
- Am I allowing the negativity of others to invade my mind and twist my feelings of self-worth into a feeling of worthlessness?
- Am I allowing myself to be influenced by negative self-talk, body insecurities, relationship fears, and other unsettled mental and emotional issues?
- Could my negative feelings toward myself be a sign of depression or anxiety?
- If I were to write myself a letter, what would the letter consist of? Would I congratulate myself on how far I’ve come or how many struggles I’ve made it through? Would I recommend that I should be more gentle with myself in my more fragile emotional troubles? Would I praise myself for the strength that I managed to muster when I didn’t feel like being strong at all?
Think about the above questions and get some honest answers from yourself. Self-Love and Self-Care can really impact so many things from your mental and emotional health, to effects on your physical and spiritual health. Maintaining a healthy level of self-love and self-care can help you realize that you are enough. You have a worth and value that cannot be measured. The negativity, pain and unhappiness of others should never be a reason for us to begin to look down upon ourselves, begin to hate ourselves or see ourselves as “less than”.
Remember, you are enough, you are loved and you have the ability to do great things. Don’t ever let anyone take that away from you!
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God bless, everyone!