Internal Happiness Vs. External Validation

Internal happiness is a crucial part of not only loving and caring for yourself, but integrating self-love and self-care into your life and your routine on a long term basis rather than sporadic, short term actions.

In my last post, “How to practice self-love in a relationship”, I discussed the need to incorporate your own internal happiness into your life and your relationships. Carrying your own internal happiness means taking time to do things that bring you happiness. Whether that is taking part in a regular exercise routine, making time in your schedule for your favorite hobby, or simply taking time to read a favorite book, taking time to do things that feed your internal happiness can give you that internal battery recharge you need.

When we intentionally work on feeding our internal happiness with purpose and determination, we are taking back power over our emotions, we are giving ourselves time to disconnect from the outside world and reconnect with our internal needs. By giving ourselves this time and attention, we are creating a greater sense of our own personal, internal validation and distancing ourselves from any need or desire for external validation. Yes, it is always nice and makes us feel amazing when we receive complements and praise on our appearance, the quality of work we do, and the assistance we can give to others but if you have your own internal happiness and strong sense of internal validation, you place less emphasis on the need to receive this validation from external sources in order to feel happy with yourself or to feel as though you have accomplished something. When you place the power over your own satisfaction in the hands of someone else, you give that person more control over your happiness, your stress levels and your sense of self-worth and, ultimately, your self-respect.

If we were to run completely on external validation alone, our self-esteem would drop, our self-respect would lower considerably, and our happiness would be pinned on if someone told us what an amazing job we did on that last project, or how wonderfully we handled that last meeting, how great we look in our new dress, or how sharp our new car looks. You cannot rely on external validation as your sole source of happiness, wellbeing, confidence, or respect. These things have to be cultivated within yourself. They require time, dedication and really honing in on how you are truly feeling about yourself.

Below, I will share some questions to think about and attempt to answer for yourself. As always, I encourage you to be honest with yourself, and be gentle with yourself. None of us are perfect and we all need work in one area or another.

  1. If no one were to compliment you on your work or attention to detail, would you be okay with that because you are happy with the quality of work you produce or would you start to obsess over why you weren’t complimented and start questioning your own self-worth?
  2. If no one complimented you on your new haircut, would you be put out by it or would you truly care because you, personally, are happy with it and love it?
  3. Do you place the most importance on what others think of you rather than placing the importance on what you think of yourself?
  4. Could you be truly happy for the rest of your life if your self-respect and inner wellbeing were connected to, and dependent entirely upon, someone else?
  5. Would you be happy living your life knowing that the house you lived in wasn’t the biggest but it was all your family needed, the car you drove wasn’t super fancy with all the bells and whistles but it served it’s purpose, the clothes your family wore weren’t name-brand but you were all clothed adequately, you don’t have the money to eat out every night but you have enough food on the table for your family to be filled and content? Or would you constantly worry that you weren’t living up to the same means and standards that your colleagues and acquaintances were living up to?
  6. Would you be content within yourself knowing that you were giving your all, or would you allow someone else to tell you that you weren’t giving enough?

The opinions, thoughts and viewpoints of others can change. And at times, it can seem as though they change overnight. Having your sense of inner worth, your self-respect, and your personal sense of wellbeing tied to an outside source that has the potential to change direction at any moment, leaving you caught off guard and stranded emotionally and mentally, is not healthy for the person you are and the person you are striving to be. Giving someone else the power over you does not give you the answers you are seeking and it does not place you on the path you hope to be walking. Instead, you end up in a place where you feel alone and underappreciated. By giving away your power of self-validation, you will not gain the happiness you are hoping for. You can’t make someone love you because you give them that power over you. And, you cannot build long lasting self-worth if your view of your own self-worth is warped by looking through someone else’s eyes.

I encourage you to love yourself, care for yourself, begin to build that solid foundation for a lasting sense of self-worth and self-validation.

Never forget, you are worthy, you are wonderful, and you have the power to be truly happy if you stop giving away the rights to your happiness to outside sources.

I hope all of my wonderful subscribers and readers have enjoyed the read!!

Thank you so much, everyone! God Bless!!

5 thoughts on “Internal Happiness Vs. External Validation

    • It is something that I think we all struggle with at one point or another. We are almost programmed to initially care about what others think and it shapes us in a way. Then we start to realize as we get older that not everyone who has an opinion on our life or our circumstances has the full picture. It has become less difficult for me to not feel like I have to live by the opinions of others over the past few years. And it only gets easier. It’s a journey we all struggle with tho! That is for sure!! Thanks for the comment!! 🙂


  1. I’ve noticed that external validation only comes when there is internal validation first. In which case, external validation doesn’t really matter at all. I say that, but it’s still nice to be appreciated!!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s