There are many instances and happenings in this life that could lead us down the road of self sabotage without even realizing what we are doing to ourselves. However, it is possible to start on a better path. You can take back your strength. Self Sabotage does not have to be a constant battle.
We all have dreams and aspirations. Each of us have things that we would love to accomplish. But are you giving yourself permission to accomplish those dreams or are you killing them before you give them a chance to flourish?
Seeing the evidence of self sabotage and the realization that accompanies it can be one struggle. The next big struggle comes when we try to pinpoint when it started. It could be the failure of a marriage, the loss of a job, abuse, fear of the unknown, fear of change, or even the fear of failure itself. So many things can get us started on what feels like a negative path of self destruction. But we don’t have to stay there! With love, support and understanding, you can make it through and come out stronger for the experience.
As with a lot of the subjects I write about, I have been guilty of this myself. Self sabotage had been a big part of my life for several years. For me, I believe it was my initial fear of being alone (when I really didn’t like myself), and not allowing myself to have any kind of belief in the strength of my own abilities. I was causing myself to fail before I even began because I didn’t believe in myself. I always ended up feeling like I had failed before I even began. And that is a recipe for disaster.
How did I break the cycle? A lot of help from my wonderful husband, and realizing that in reality I do not represent any of the characteristics of the negative self talk that was going on inside my head. I had taken on the internal, negative self talk initially as a defense mechanism against a mentally and emotionally abusive ex husband. I felt that if I said and thought these negative and hurtful things about myself, it wouldn’t sting as much when he said them out loud to me. If I had already brought myself down, he couldn’t bring me down any lower. And so this dangerous defense mechanism gradually turned into self sabotage. I took on this negative way to think, this negative view of myself that my ex husband started, and I adopted it for myself. And at that lowest point is when I truly began to hate myself. And I didn’t even realize it. It was the most scared and the most lonely I had ever been in my life. And my hope is that absolutely no one reading this goes through or chooses to stay in a situation like this thinking that it will get better one day. You are more precious than that!
Below you will find a few ideas that helped me personally get back onto a more stable footing. And, with help, I learned those negative thoughts were not my own and that I am worth so much more than I allowed myself to believe.
- Realize the behavior and acknowledge its effects on you
- Start working on learning to like yourself again, work on enjoying your own company
- Be mindful of your internal self thoughts. Those self thoughts do not own you
- Begin setting small, manageable goals to prove to yourself that you are capable
- Talk to a mental health professional. There is no shame in getting help. The right help puts you back on a healthy path
Relearning that you are capable, strong, intelligent, loving, and worthy of love can feel like a struggle at times. But never forget you are worth the work!!