Self-Love and holding onto your faith: Maintaining faith when fear has gripped you

To say that you aren’t sure how truly deep and profound your faith is until it has been tested is a fair statement. The majority of us have had our faith tested in various ways and we seem to persevere, even when it feels that we may fail. But, have you had your faith tested by one who is supposed to be the closest to you in this life? Your former spouse.

I have grown up in church and been surrounded with the most amazing, Godly people that I could honestly ever hope to have as company. These people have been amazing, have shown strength, integrity and the most honest and true form of love for another living being I have ever witnessed. It has been an honor to serve the Lord at their side. I have also been raised with the knowledge that it isn’t good for God’s children to be unevenly yolked. When you are young, you may not exactly understand what this means and the inner workings of the phrase. But essentially, it means that a believer and a non-believer should not be married. And this is some of the most honest and true marriage advice you could possibly get from a man or woman of God. It is basic, it is raw and it is a true fundamental.

Allow me to give an example so you may have an idea of what I’m talking about. Imagine that yourself and another individual come together. You really like this person and enjoy their company. You decide that this individual is the one you would like to work on your big project with. Your life-long project. You haven’t really been able to dig into exactly who this person is. You aren’t sure about their work ethic or their motivation. You just assume that you will work great together because you like each other so much and get along so well. What could go wrong?

You begin this project together and right away there seem to be problems. Not big issues. Just small things that you may look over or make excuses for. After all, no one is perfect. You continue like this for a while, and then one day, you come to a critical turning point in the project. You want to take it one way and your partner has decided that it would be best to take it in the opposite direction. You are now stale-mated. Equal partners, intended to work together toward one common goal, yet now are pulling in two different directions. No work can be done. Things come to a standstill. And you realize that you should have maybe tried to find out more about him or her.

It’s a scary place to be in. Realizing that you are stuck at a crossroads with someone who, you thought, would continue to the end with you and you now realize you won’t even be able to make it half-way. It’s difficult to finish if you are both pulling in opposite directions. You may give a little, and they may give a little. But fundamentally, you are at an impasse.

Now imagine how you may feel if you had asked these important questions at the beginning. You thought for sure you knew who you were partnering with because you fully trusted the answers they had given you. And then, when it comes time for that important moment when it requires both partners pulling together, they let their mask slip and their true nature comes to the surface.

This, sadly, is an open door for the devil to come in and try to see where your defenses are the weakest. Try to slowly pick away at you behind the guise of someone you once had so much trust and faith in. Now they laugh at “your religion” when it was a belief they also once professed to maintain and hold true to. They laugh at the prayers you whisper. They yell and profanity flies when a Bible is brought out. And you are left wondering how long the devil had been hiding behind those eyes, watching and waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

It still gives me chills just thinking about how much danger I had been in and how I had crumbled into a mess of the woman I had been before. Yet it was at my lowest when I realized just how strong and unbreakable my faith truly was.

When you realize that, despite the best efforts of the devil, with God’s help I have made it through. You start to feel more grounded again. More grounded on that solid rock, that foundation that your relationship with God was started on. Clinging to your faith in the face of everything that wants you to give it up can be hard, but it is possible. You may feel crushed, but you are still lovable and worthy.

God, in all his glory, has shown that he can still master the storms despite who started them.

Holding onto my faith was what saved me from sinking to a darker place. And relearning to love myself has played a part in helping me to rise from the ashes of what had been and be thankful I still have so much happiness to look forward to in the future.

Never forget that you are loved. God loves you. As a father in every sense, he may not always be happy with our choices but he is always there to draw us back home.

You are a child of God. And God doesn’t make mistakes. Hang on to your faith, and relearn to love yourself again. It does get easier. It does get better. And life is so beautiful when you come out the other side of that storm.

Much love and God bless each of you!!

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